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    Dartplayer Dot Net :: View topic - The Sad, Sad Story of bobDslob
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    The Sad, Sad Story of bobDslob

     
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    BlackHorse
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    PostPosted: Mon Aug 01, 2011 2:58 pm    Post subject: The Sad, Sad Story of bobDslob Reply with quote

    The story of bobDslob is one that is far too common in America these days. Sure, there are some cases where the kid turns pro and it’s a Cinderella, dream-come-true story. But more often than not by far, we just end up with one more bobDslob.

    bob, for short, grew up on the mean streets of a rough-and-tumble New England city. On the wrong side of town, on the other side of the tracks, where the sun never seemed to shine, bob fell in with the wrong crowd. To be fair, there was no 'right' crowd available for him to fall in with there.

    Poor, dirty and uncared for, bob wandered the streets without opportunity. Well, that’s not entirely true. For a few uncheery weeks of the year, bob would find unfulfilling work as an unkempt Santa for a local rundown department store.

    The only past-time in his area was a common one in New England. No, not scrappy, pickup, three on three basketball on a dimly lit court. No, not break-your-arms football on a spare lot full of discarded construction materials. No, not even baseball with sticks and rocks. bob’s only outlet for his frustrations was dahts.

    Dahts, as any other sport in a decrepit neighborhood, was played with whatever make-shift equipment could be found. Nails with seagull feathers glued on with snot. Lengths of wire twisted together with bits of rags caught at the end. Once in a while, a set of actual brass dahts stolen from a bar - these were looked upon with awe and resentment and wonder all at once. Real plastic, single-piece flights!! Such things only fueled the unrealistic hopes of those unfortunates born there, like bobDslob.

    bob and his fellow-truants showed the signs of their life as daht-junkies. Despite having barely enough to eat, they all had guts. They walked with a list to one side, from leaning over the oche for hours a day. Throwing-shoulders were twice the size of the other; the other which sported a SEWA tattoo. Whenever they would show up to throw, they would bring with them some sort of ‘walk-on’ girl, as they called them - they made do with whoever was around, a prostitute, a little sister, Jimmy Cerelli’s mom, or the skank from the donair cart.

    Then one day the implausible happened… a black town car rolled up near the place bob usually hung out. He and several other miscreants were tossing their sticks and nails and pointed-whatevers at chunks of cardboard stuck on the side of an alley wall, “boards” held up by a week’s worth of used gum.

    A rear-seat window rolled halfway down, but nothing could be seen inside the vehicle. In fact, most of the boys were still mesmerized by the car itself, not paying any attention to such details. bob, long since bereft of any feelings of excitement or happiness, paid no heed whatsoever, but instead kept launching his arrows into the dahtboard, the only action that gave him any solace.

    If you had ears to hear, a deep and quiet voice said, “Look at the kid still practicing - he’s the one with focus and determination. And notice how close he is coming to the blood-outlined Bull each time? Go get him, I want to talk to him.” A subservient voice answered back immediately, at the same time as the driver’s door opened, “ Yes, Mr. Silberzahn.”

    So it was that our bob started a training of sorts, under the tutelage of one of America’s greatest dahters and daht teachers of the time. bobDslob got better. Much better. After a month, GS, as bob called him, gave bob an set of actual used dahts. As promise turned into reality, GS rewarded bob with better and better dahts. Contenders, then Maestros, then Champions.

    A success story unfolding? Oh, how I wish I could say yes. But bobDslob came with another addiction, one which had even a greater hold on him than dahts. Lysol.

    So it was that bobDslob could never become the player that GS envisioned. bob was returned to his hometown, where he was forced to develop computer skills and make more money than any American daht player ever would, living as an empty shell after his dream was crushed. Throwing his arrows only in his den these days, drinking premium Swedish Lysol, bobDslob can only wonder what might have been …..

    On the brighter side, “GS” became determined to become a more effective instructor and, as a result, has opened a chain of online dahts schools, never giving up that an American dahter might some day exceed the poverty line for income in his favorite sport.


    bobDslob never appears on SEWA anymore, but if you see him, tell him we miss him …

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    Chitown599
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    PostPosted: Mon Aug 01, 2011 4:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

    Great story BH. You really should be a writer.
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    Dart_talker
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    PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2011 9:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

    LOL BH,

    This story has the makings of an ESPN "30 for 30" documentary.
    Cool Laughing
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    aboji
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    PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2011 11:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

    That is a good one! Well done!

    aboji
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    AmericanBadAss
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    PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2011 12:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

    I cannot wait till Bob sees this, I bet he dies laughing.

    Great one Horse!
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    paddydub
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    PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2011 8:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

    "Brilliant"
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    ppv
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    PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2011 5:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

    I can confirm Bob does not come on SEWA any more, but I will see him in the next couple of weeks. I will be sure to tell him to pop on over here for this. Good stuff, BH....
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    KopRalph11
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    PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2011 7:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

    PPV be sure to warn Bob lol
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    GeorgeSilberzah
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    PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2011 8:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

    I wish I could remember making that trip Rolling Eyes
    And I wish I could remember how Lysol addiction took poor bob down. Confused
    It sounds as though it may have been that most insideous of afflictions: LOF Shocked
    That's Loss Of Focus
    Thanks for the tale.
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    PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2011 11:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

    Now that the old-timers have enjoyed, I hope, the story, I will point out for others that bobDslob had an avatar for a long time of a very rumpled Santa drinking out of a Lysol container.

    He also was well known as Homey da Clown, so be thankful I didn't try to work that into the storyline as well. Twisted Evil

    Horsey don't play dat!

    I really do hope Bob comes back to read it. Smile
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    PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2011 12:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

    I just exchanged emails with him. I will send him the link....
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    PostPosted: Thu Aug 04, 2011 8:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

    My serious response:

    Your brand of creative humor is magical!

    Work at it. Develop it. Stay off Lysol.
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    PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 7:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

    It's all true!

    edit: rats, avatar no workie!
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    PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 7:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

    Holy crap, I'm logging into my photobucket for the first time in forever too!



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    bobDslob
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    PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 8:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

    and of course,
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    PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 9:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

    aw crap, it's Pine Sol, not Lysol, lol! oh well, lol.

    I know you aren't staying, but it's great to see your name up here again, Bob. Smile
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    PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2011 5:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

    Nice to see you Bob. Great story, as always BH. Glad i found some time to read it.
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    PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2011 9:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

    Thanks much for the image..just changed my ESPN baseball team avatar to that!

    Go Trusty Rombones!
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    PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2011 5:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

    I thought that's supposed to be dart humour...

    But I am still crying.. Sad Wink .
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    PostPosted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 2:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

    Yeah...that's really sad Sad



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