Just thought I would share these jokes with you this morning. Who knows, someone out there may need a laugh. ___________________________________________________________ i went 2 to a burger van, where there's a beautiful woman in a bikini behind the till. the menu said.. Hot Dogs: £1.50 Beefburgers: £2.00 Cheeseburgers: £2.50 Handjobs: £5.00 ...i said 2 the woman, "are you the one that does that handjobs?", she said yes! i said, wash your fukin hands, I want a cheeseburger ___________________________________________________________ was on a plane and the captain said"" sorry but the engines are fucked and youve all got 5 minutes to live,,now a gorgeous blonde stood up threw off all her clothes and said,,"right which one of you men is gonna make me feel like a woman for the last time".. i jumped up threw of all my clothes ran over to her a promptly replied,,,,,"" iron these for me love""..... ____________________________________________________________ Pastor John Flapps sees a lady church member gettin drunk in a pub. He tries 2 take her home but they fall & he ends up on top of her. Landlord shouts "Oi mate u can't do that in ere!" Rev replies "U don't understand, I'm Pastor Flapps". Landlord says "Oh well, if yr that far in u may as well finish! ____________________________________________________________ I just opened my freezer and saw a little alien having a wank. I said, "What the fuck are you doing ?"He said, "I cum in peas". ____________________________________________________________ Boy asks his mum, "is it wrong to have a willy?""No,why?" she asks."Well, Dad"s sweating like fuck in the bathroom trying to pull his off!"